My Day

Okay, for one I'm now four days behind on this little bit of fun.

Here is some of the rest of the day.  Sent Gabe to school.  Picked Gabe up at school an hour before I tend to even wake up for the day.  Head to College Park for Gabe to see the eye doc that performed his last eye surgery.  Get through the pre-appointment run down with wonderful Mr. Nurse (really wish I had gotten his name!!).  Get seated in the pedi's playroom/waiting area with several other kids.  Gabe and Hope play very nicely.  The shocker of the day was that ALL the parents watched, warned, helped, and disciplined their children!!  Went back to see the doc.  He decided to dilate Gabe's eyes.  Let the fight begin.  Round one: wonderful Ms. Nurse (should have gotten her name too!!) tried to just put the drops in- Gabe shoves her away and won't let her near him again.  Round two: I grab Gabe and put him in my lap so I can lock down his arms while Ms. Nurse attempts the drops again- Gabe throws his head around almost head-butting me and he is now throwing his legs around and kicking.  Round three: I continue holding Gabe while Ms. Nurse tries to hold Gabe's head still and doc tried to put in drops- Gabe begins screaming and is still kicking which Hope now thinks would be fun to be in the middle of.  Round three was borderline successful and we are sent back out to await dilation.  Gabe is put in a time out for this behavior.  Ms. Nurse drops by to check Gabe's eyes and decided we needed a round four.  Gabe is one to us and we can only get him IN the room with bribery by Mr. Nurse.  We follow Mr. Nurse in the room and Ms. Nurse stays in the hall and shuts the door.  Round four:  I hold Gabe again while locking down his arms telling him to be brave and just do it fast with promises of a lollipop in the end while Mr. Nurse somehow man-handles Gabe enough to get the drops in- Gabe is screaming bloody murder, trying with every ounce of movement and strength he could muster to break out of our hold and kicks Hope in the process (she is fine).  Gabe and Hope are now both completely distraught and crying.  Mr. Nurse consoles Gabe very well at the end and the pair almost dance down the hall to get the lollipop I just told Gabe he could no longer have.  I allow Gabe to have the sucker because I AM a sucker and know that we are not yet done with this appointment.  We wait again but Mr. Nurse knows that Gabe is in trouble, has sensory issues (after I told him this is his autism in it highest form), and will not be allowed to play anyway and sends us down to another waiting area where we are blissfully alone.  I only grinned at all the kids and parents we passed that were waiting their turn and had just heard Gabe's screaming...  The rest of the appointment went very well once Gabe believed us that there wouldn't be any more drops.  Two and a half hours after we walked in, we are walking out with a prescription for glasses and a surgery date set for the 15th to correct his lazy eyes.  All of this before lunch.  We stop for fast food and I drop Gabe at school.  Hope and I go home.  Hope goes down for a nap.  Gabe comes home.  I take a nap.  Wake up only half an hour before we should leave to go to Kai's handling class.  I call Stephanie and tell her I'm not bringing the kids tonight and that I just don't want to deal with it tonight.  She calls back a bit later and volunteers to watch the kids so I can have an evening to myself.  Serious answer to prayer as I've been wanting to just run away now for a couple weeks.  Do Gabe's homework (which was awful!!).  Slap together a sandwich for Gabe and snacks for Hope (she hasn't been very hungry).  Drop the kids and head off to my first trip to Tanger Outlet.  Well, the first one here and the first one in probably ten plus years.  I over spent, stayed until the stores were closed, and headed back only because Gabe has school in the morning and needs to get to bed.  Here it is after midnight now and I'm feeling much better thanks to my lovely friend Stephanie!  Muah!

Insanity

I've known my mother was insane for years.  Not really.  But no, she is insane.  Sometimes.  Really out there.  Smartest, bravest, lovingest (I know that isn't a word), most wonderful, and crazy.  I mean, really.  She isn't certifiable.  Just nuts.

I got it from her.

Why me?  How is it that I got this one trait of hers that drives ME crazy (and most everyone else too).  That's what it is!  Her insane trait drove me to it.  It's all HER fault.

So I got a call today from a lady I visited once.  Back in December when we first started thinking about me getting a horse.  Back when it was cheaper to buy  local than to pay for gas to ship a horse.  I saw this little Arabian colt online.  He looked so much like my first horse, Saber, that I just had to inquire.  So I drove the three hours in January to see him.  He was cute!  I can't say I fell in love because I don't allow myself those feelings for animals, but he sure was a great little guy.  However, we soon learned that it had become cheaper to ship a horse than to buy him.  Hence Lee's arrival.  Well, apparently I hit it off more than I thought I did with this little colt's owner and she called me to see if I was still interested in him.  I had called her back in January and told her that I was getting another horse, so it isn't like I left her hanging.  She called and asked if I got the other horse or not.  When I said yes that I had, she sounded a little down.  Told her that I really DID like her little one (he was still only 1 when I saw him) but that we just couldn't afford another one.  Then she hits me with this "for you, I'm willing to let him go at no cost."  Um, excuse me?  Seriously?  Free?  Oh my!  This horse is show trained for halter, has won classes, is VERY well bred (top of the line actually), has nothing wrong with him (unlike Lee and most all of my mom's other horses), and is ready to start light saddle training.  If I was the unChristian kind I'd snatch him up, put some miles and some good training on him and turn around and sell him for profit.  But this lady is offering him to me for this price (or lack thereof) because she wants him to have a great home and be loved.  When I visited back in January I took her pictures of Saber and she couldn't get over how alike they were and she mentioned that again today.  So now I'm in some serious internal debate.  SOOOOOO many pros and cons to consider.  WAY too many to list here.  I told the lady that we just couldn't do it right now.  She told me to call her back if anything changes.  Oooooo what to do??  I think we could find a way to afford it but I don't want my family to suffer with the time factor.  So Tony and I are both considering.  We will wait until the vet comes out to diagnose Lee next week before deciding.  Maybe God has set this up because Lee isn't fit enough for what I want and he needs to go back to Texas....  We'll see!

Screeching Halt

One of the big projects I've been working on came to complete and utterly frustrating halt.  Here I was just sewing along when my bobbin got jammed.  I pulled the offending threads out and rethreaded the thing.  Started sewing and wouldn't you know the bottom thread won't catch....  So I took it out and rethreaded it...nothing.  Rethreaded the top thread...zilch.  Replaced the needle....nada.  I'm guessing the timing got messed up or there is something else jammed up there.  Gonna cost me $45 just to have it looked at (hopefully fixed too but ya never know).

I finished one other project yesterday.  I crocheted a diaper cover for Hope.  She is growing out of the covers we have and I really can't afford to buy the next size up in the numbers we need so I thought I'd try to make some.  Didn't work so well.  They will be great for around the house but we don't spend much time just around the house.  We are movers and shakers these days.  The way you have to crochet them makes them very "breathable" but also makes them easy to leak when sitting.  I think knitting them would be better but I don't know how to knit.  Oh well, one more project down the drain.

Lee has something wrong with him.  I can't ride.  Something isn't right with his back, or hip, or something.  He just isn't moving right and seems to have pain issues.  Not good.  We'll try to get the vet out to look at him next week.  That little bit of fun has come to a painful whoa.

I guess that leaves me lots of time now to finish painting the living room.  That is, after I get Kai's vetting issues dealt with....

This Is The Life

An early morning, a trip to Wal Mart, a stop at the pet store, home to eat, then off to Grandma Ann's for the rest of the morning, plus snacking on the way home equals this:

Notice the cheerios under her chin, on top of her left arm, under her right elbow, and with her hand in the bowl.  What you can't see is she has some in her fist and even between her fingers.  Only thing missing was some in her mouth.  I think she was worn out!

Prepared

The previous post was what God gave me to have me prepared for yesterday and today's utter meltdown marathon.  Urg... I hate spring break and the attempt to go back into routine....

My Cup...It Gusheth...

So I'm in a habit of relocking my front door after Gabe goes to school because I always go back to bed, well, today I never had a need to open the door again after he left and therefore it was still locked when he came home.  I heard him from upstairs try to open it and realized my error.  I dashed downstairs and opened the door for him.  The look he had on his face was priceless.  It was sour and annoyed and possibly irritated.  So I asked him what was wrong.  He brushed past me, tossed his bag up on the couch, with a grin on his face and said...

I missed you!

I'll tell you that it took me a minute to realize what he said.  My son doesn't think in this fashion.  He doesn't understand half of what I say (not the way I usually mean it anyway) much less respond in any normal way.  For instance, he has been getting in lots of trouble with me for not listening to what I say or doing what I ask.  So tonight I sat down with him and asked him what HE thinks I should do when he doesn't listen.  He walked around (he walks as part of his autistic behavior and he gets flustered if you make him stop) saying  ...um.... for awhile.  By the third time that I asked him this question, he was able to say "when I'm bad."  I'm sorry but this makes no sense to what I just asked him.  He obviously thought I meant something like what does it mean when you don't listen.  So anyway, back to after school.  I admit, I stood there in shock.  What did he just say?  I said, "Really? You missed me?  I missed you too."  And this is when I knew he understood what he said because he promptly walked right over to me and gave me a hug.  Now Gabe just doesn't hug much.  He will, but it isn't a normal behavior for him like it is for so many others.  In fact some times he is very anti touch and gets angry with me if I hug him when he isn't prepared for it.  And when I do get a hug from him I usually have to ask for a "big hug" in order to get more than a shoulder hug.  This hug was with both arms, he initiated it, and without any prompting.  He then went on to do his homework quickly, quietly, and perfectly (well, as close as he can get to perfectly anyway). 

My cup hasn't runneth over, it is gushing over and over and over and over....etc....

It's Getting Out of Hand

Seriously.  The number of projects I have going right now....crazy!  I don't know what I'm thinking. 

• I have yet to finish the living room painting.  I make small stabs at it but I still have one wall to go.  I'm blaming the entertainment center that is rather large and hard to move for this.  I'd have to be able to devote a large chunk of time to painting behind and around it so I could get it back in place and so far that kind of time has been devoted to other things.  There is this queen sized quilt I'm working on.  Which I think is pretty dumb considering the only other quilt I've finished still sits on my crafting table waiting to be repaired after the second washing came back with even more holes (20+).  Click here for a refresher on that.  I've got Hope's version of that quilt top done but it hasn't been finished.  This new quilt came as a kit from a quilting shop and I've been following the directions to the tee.  Was finishing up the cutting for one of the last sections and BAM, not enough fabric.  I'm irritated. 
• I also have Hope's first year scrapbook in the works.  I have about 11 pages done but lots more to go.  I just haven't sat at the computer long enough to go through all the pictures and choose the ones to print. 
• I went to Wally World the other day and saw flowers I just had to have.  After three days of them sitting out, I got them planted but realized I needed to get more.  So out of fear that the specific one I wanted would be gone, I rushed back to buy more.  Which was good because there were only six left.  I bought four....which have now been sitting on the porch for almost a week.  I'm actually very glad it is raining now because those poor little fellas hadn't even been watered since I bought them. 
• I have several milk jugs laying out waiting for me to poor sand in and attach to the tarp covering our lawn mower outside.  The previously mentioned rain has now made my desire to finish that job even less as the bag of sand is sitting near the half-dead plants. 
• I really need to sit and post the Easter pics and other things for my poor deprived Husband.
• And right now, I'm madly trying to finish my Grandma's birthday present, which I'm sad to say is most likely going to be late now.  But it is handmade so hopefully that will help the forgiveness factor.
• I need more diaper covers for Hope and I'm considering crocheting some myself.  Considering enough that I bought the wool yarn tonight.
• I have plans for two other projects, one for Hope and one for Gabe, but I haven't figured out what or how to do them.
• And let's not talk about my small mountain of sewing projects not already mentioned.

I'm going to finish these....honest.....

This is What I Live For

Several months ago, thinking of this really freaked me out.  Still does actually.  I wasn't sure I could handle it.  The responsibility.  The extra work.  The physical part.  The mental component.  But so far so good.  In fact, on the days where, before I would have wished for just such a thing but didn't have it, I find myself in my own personal heaven.  One of the things that keeps me grounded is that my body is still aching, not to mention that I never know where I'll end up.

I speak, of course, of Lee.  Next best thing to my hubby and children.  Sorry to anyone else that might be reading (which means you, because my hubby and children don't read my blog).  But that is the way it is.  I was a horse crazy child with a horse crazy mother (emphasis on the crazy part) and I spent every waking moment not at school or playing basketball dealing with the silly creatures.  At the barn, reading magazines, planning my next horse show, wishing we had just a little more....  As I've spent so much time away from them since getting married and having children, I realize that horses give me something I don't find anywhere else.  Confidence.  Freedom. Snot on my neck (although Hope tries hard to fill that role).  I have some kind of natural ability.  I'm not the best mind you, but I'm good enough that rank horses and untrained horses barely make me blink.  In fact I like those kinds.  Anyway, when my body isn't screaming at me "hey, you, remember us?  You haven't used us in ten years!!  Hellllooooo????"  I'm more comfortable in the saddle than on the ground.  And the freedom....ooooo, that just makes me smile a cheesy sappy grin.  So there is a ditch there, so what?  Ewwww, shin deep mud, oh well.  Spider webs in my face while on the back of a horse don't bother me much but can't get the things off me fast enough at home.  And my favorite is the speed.  Fast enough to blow my hair back without wind burn and not getting winded myself.  Anyway, my favorite activity with horses is hands down trail riding, or pasture riding, whichever.

Monday, Lee and I took our first meander down the trail.  Mind you we only went about 200 yards because I needed to get back to pick up the kids after riding in the arena for a while.  The only thing that would have made it more fun would have been for Lee to have about 100 more rides on him.  I'm not sure he has ever been ridden down a trail or even much outside his own pasture or arena.  He was shying away from stumps, ant hills, and farm implements.  Good thing he is too lazy to do much more than step away cause I was tired from arena work.  He also didn't understand trail work to mean "follow the path."  He kept wandering toward the trees (maybe trying to scrape me off...).  However he didn't mind the said ditch or mud.

This was the gelding that followed us for awhile.  Even trotted to catch up when he fell behind.  (There is a fence between us)

And these were the views.

So pretty.

And this scene made me smile:

You think, awwww, friends enjoying a piece of shade....

Yeah, not so much.

All I know is that I may could do without the sore muscles (hopefully only temporary as I get back in shape), the mental stress, and the responsibility, but I just love to ride.  It is who I am.  Apparently I've spent the last 10 years in denial.....

P.S.  Picture above taken in honor of my newest obsession The Pioneer Woman, aka my earthly idol.

It Skips Around

It is genetic.  I didn't get it.  The "girl" gene.  As I type, Hope is walking around with the remaining wet wipe from her diaper change 10 minutes ago "cleaning" every surface she can find.  Smiling.  Proud of herself.  Talking while she "works."  Her other favorite things are helping with the laundry (Brandi can vouch for this one), caring for her babies (which at this point only means she makes sure they get up and out of bed for the day), and talking on the phone.  That girl gene must skip around cause I didn't get it...  Lord help me.

Guilt

For most of my adult life I've spent my time feeling guilty.  The house is dirty, I should do better keeping it clean.  The dog messes in the yard need to be picked up, I shouldn't make the neighbors smell this.  No one has socks or underwear that is clean, it doesn't take that much time to run the washer and dryer.  It is 6:00 and I still don't have a clue what is for dinner (or it is after noon and I haven't even thought about lunch), my poor family is starving and there is plenty of food here to feed them so just do it.  And on and on it goes.  From the time my eyes open until I finally am able to fall asleep.

Thursday night, here is a small list of the things I found after the kids went to bed.  Dirty dinner pans on the stove.  Trash on the floor.  Hammer still on the kitchen counter from fixing a frame weeks ago.  Unwashed laundry in the washer waiting for me to get the rest of the laundry from upstairs.  Rugs and doormats all askew from the dog and children.  Books, shoes, stuffed animals, coats, balls, toys, newspaper cluttering the living room floor, vacuum sitting out as I never put it away because the children and dog make never ending messes.  Paint and paint brushes from my never ending painting of the downstairs laying all over the place.  Several dozen homemade cookies sitting in the kitchen that were supposed to be sent to Tony, a single friend on the other side of the country, and Shane (I don't think Jill can eat them) that are now over a week old and half eaten by us.  Freshly cleaned wet spot where the crazy dog thought was a better place to pee than the flooded backyard.

I then took a moment and walked outside on the porch watching the rain continue to fall.  I had NO guilt.  Several weeks ago Mary and I talked about guilt.  I don't remember what was said.  All I know is that my look has changed (hopefully permanently).  As I watched the rain, tears flooded my eyes.  I'm SO incredibly blessed.  I saw all the things that those above items meant.  I had food to feed my family when so many others don't.  The trash on the floor was junk mail and used dryer sheets that my beautiful daughter was playing with earlier in the day.  I'm fully capable of handling a hammer and was able to fix said frame.  I have so many clothes and items to wash that they can sit there without needing to be washed and my washer is almost new and works wonderfully.  I have proof that the dog and children have the health, ability, and peace of mind to play so well that my rugs are never straight.  My kids are blessed with so many toys and things that we can provide for them.  I have my dream vacuum that makes me LIKE to vacuum.  My living room gets a little prettier every day.  The cookies have made getting Gabe to behave so much easier, and they are still yummy a week later.  And my knocking-on-deaths-door dog decided to pee right in front of me and I was able to quickly clean it.  I also noticed, standing watching the rain, that I have a great car that holds everyone (except the dog when Tony is home) and runs great, a wonderful home that is OURS, a beautiful flower bed that my incredibly handsome hubby made for me, and the best of all that I have the bestest family.  Gabe ,with all his peculiar things, is healthy, handsome, smart, progressing, and loves me and his family.  Hope is everything I could have asked for in a baby girl and she has stolen my heart unlike anything I could have imagined (she is a GIRL after all).  And my honey, even though he is absent, loves me, cares for me, does everything in his power to be with me, and is one of the humblest men I've ever known.  On top of all this, my Savior has redeemed me in all my wickedness and unworthiness.  How could I possible feel anything put pure joy and bliss!!  Oh how I fell on my knees and praised God for all of this and all the other things I could think of.  I'm almost worried about what is to come because I can't imagine things being any better.

Yes Sir

Gabe has been particularly good recently about saying yes ma'am and please and thank you.  I've been telling him that I really like it when he says those things and that it makes me happy.  Today I got a call from his shadow telling me that he had a little meltdown this morning, that it was all taken care of, but that she thought we needed to catch up since it had been awhile since we talked.  Ah, okay!  So instead of picking up the phone, wink wink, I just stopped by the school on my way to Wal Mart.  While we chatted, I found out that his shadow has really been focusing Gabe on being nice and respectful especially since Daddy is gone and I have so much to do.  Have I told you guys how much I love that woman??  Anyway, on the way home tonight from church, Gabe asked to have something and I told him yes sir.  He gasped and said I like it when you say yes sir.  I laughed and said you do?  He said yeah, it makes me happy.  Then he said I am very happy.