So Much To Do

Things continue to pile.

This weekend Kai will be heading back to Wisconsin.  He and Gabe aren't getting a long very well and therefore, Kai is going back to his breeder where I'm praying he will do VERY well and become the show dog he was meant to be.  I have lots to do before he goes.

This weekend is a friend's baby shower and I'm crazy busy trying to finish up a couple gifts and mail them out.  This was very last minute for me and I'm sad to say that I might miss the shower...hurry hurry...

I have this queen size quilt to finish that I'd like to give to our very bestamist friend before we go.

Lee will begin jump training (me too) on Thursday but since we've been down to one car since last Tuesday I've only been able to get out there once.  You will never know how much I HATE this...having one car.  It sucks ducks.

We are waiting for our refund on our Christmas plane tickets so we can get some things started on the house (and car and bills and glasses for Gabe and whatever else manages to fall apart between now and then).  We owe Geralds a chunk of change for a car that is totaled less than two months later...grrrrrr.  We have a car to repair (please, God, let it be able to BE fixed).  We really need to get Gabe new glasses as it has been about a month since they died.  Makes me wish I had Mr. Weasley around to repair them.

Tony wants to open up our perfectly beautiful pumpkins to roast seeds...poor beautiful pumpkins...

And of course we won't talk about the house work needing to be done so we can rent this place out in a couple months.

Less than three months before we have to be out...

Fun Times

So life continues in the way that life tends to go.  This past week Tony was on call (tonight is the last night).  Monday afternoon he is told that there will be contractors working during the night and that someone *ahem, ahem, cough, cough* will need to be available to shut off the water lines.  So after putting in a full day shift, he is required to go back, still be on call for emergencies, AND baby-sit contractors for the night.  On his way home Tuesday morning at a busy intersection, his light turned yellow with enough time for him to cross.  However, the school bus on the other side turning decided to try to beat the light...  Tony's car is toast.  Tony did the best he could to save himself but the car took the brunt.  Since we are car ignorant, we are hoping that someone with enough knowledge can help us salvage the thing.  No tickets were issued for the accident and no responsibility claimed.  We only have liability on his car so will receive nothing to help with the expenses.

Tuesday evening my mom gets a call from the trainer of the lady that was going to buy Lee.  The conversation went quickly downhill.  I could say lots of not nice things about dressage people but will refrain for the good ones out there...I know at least ONE (Karen, you don't count as you do eventing).  So needless to say Lee will not be going to that home.  My hopes of selling him soon seem to be fading.

We can add these things to the ever mounting pile of stresses we've been accumulating recently.  Fun times...fun times.

There Was a Time

There was a time when I'd have done anything for horses.  There was a time when I couldn't imagine my life without them.  There was a time when my every waking moment NOT consumed with school was completely devoted to all things equine.  I remember sitting and planning which equine specialty college I'd be attending, I think I was about 12.  I remember being completely stoked that I'd qualified my backyard horse for a regional championship show.  I remember having a major crush on any man that was decent and loved his horse.  I rode everything from 3 day eventers to mustangs to endurance horses to foxhunters to western pleasure champions.  I remember the crushing blow of realizing I would never get to go to the horse colleges because they were just too darn expensive.  I went to Texas A&M.  I worked at the horse center.  I quit school at 19 when a professor I'd met twice found me a job as a full time trainer (13 hour days).  I worked like a dog for 3 months.  3 glorious months.  During those 3 months I was told by many how talented I was.  I learned so much.  I worked for a world-renowned trainer.  I was living my dream.  I couldn't have been happier.  Long story short...I quit.  I was stupid.  My dream died that day.  The next day I was gone.  Headed home.  I tried in vain to recapture my dream.  I searched for jobs.  Found many but none I was comfortable with.  I even almost left my future husband for a job in Michigan.  Then life hit.  Life hit hard.  Husband within 7 months of the death of my dream.  And before the 11 month mark, I was a mom of an extremely premature baby with a poor prognosis.  I wouldn't ride again for years.  My dream slowly slipped away.  My mom kept her horses.  I'd get to pet on them and help with chores when we were around but my life was too involved in being a new wife and mom (much of that time in severe postpartum depression).  I was 20 when Gabe was born.  Fast forward.  A year ago, I was happy without horses.  Then in February my mom and I decided to get me back into it.  She sent me Lee.  I've slowly worked myself back up into thinking about my old dream.  Started enjoying myself.  Found someone to teach me things I've never learned before.  And today, I was again told how talented I am.  There was a time when that kind of talk from someone like her would have had me dancing on cloud nine for months.  Today, I'm scared.  I really don't know what to do with this information.  Come January I'll be horseless again when we move back to Texas.  I will no longer have this wonderful lady to teach me.  I don't know why this had to happen now of all times.  I was HAPPY WITHOUT them!!  Now, when that little light has been cast back on old dreams, I find myself losing it.  What was the point?  I'm scared to get back into it for fear I won't measure up to what others think I'm capable of.  I'm scared that other things that are so important will slip away.  I'm scared of so many different things on both sides of this that I can't even think straight.  Horses were all I knew for 20 years.  But my life just doesn't seem to be going that way.  Now I doubt my actions and thoughts for the past 9 years.  I have no idea what God would have me do.  The me I wish I was would have just decided and moved on by now.  I hate being scared.

I can never express the depth to which I used to devour any thing horse.  And I can never express the depth to which I'm terrified of allowing myself to think of going back to that.

Just For Fun

First Project

Gabe came home a couple weeks ago with his first "school project."  Worth two test grades.  Must be student made....ha!  We won't go into why I laugh at this.  Anyway, Tony's idea was clay.  Gabe had to show a landform that would have a water feature.  Here is what the boys came up with (and Hope got her some homemade playdoh to make a landform with too):

I didn't, however, get a picture of the completed project.  But other than the labels and a slightly more squished river... that is the end result.  Gabe picked mountains, he only wanted two, and his river wasn't meant to be curvy.  I'm just hoping it made to to class in one piece today....

For those of you noticing that Gabe isn't wearing his glasses...he lost the lens on one pair and within a week let his sister play with his other pair which are now bent beyond repair...  Now we get to order new pairs because we couldn't afford the warranty for the glasses when we purchased them...

I Got Some

Okay, TODAY was the day.  I got some Gabe pics.  However, in an effort to keep my blog in some sort of order, and because the world may come to an end if I don't at least attempt to post pics in the order they were taken, today I will show you the cute pictures I got yesterday of Hope.  These were taken after our morning ride and while letting Lee graze a little before turning him out to his pasture.

"CEEEEZZZEE"

"WHAT is THIS?"

"and WHY is this one so big?"

"ah, a hand hold to walk on this thing on the ground...sweet!"

"I bet you can't see me!"

"ah, nuts, you found me."

"if I come closer, are you going to eat my cheerios?"

"maybe if I hold this thing, I can keep your head down so you won't get them..."

"hey, Mama, that feels weird..."

"let's try this one..."

"hee hee, these are funny..."

"now, what was I doing before that??"

"oh yes, eating my cheerios"

"my Cheerios are all gone!  the horror!! got to be some I dropped around here somewhere...."

"Ha HA, success!!!!"

Do For Now

I still haven't gotten any pictures this week of Gabe.  I'm hoping that I can get some tomorrow.  There is rumor that Gabe has a school project due on Friday and that his daddy may be helping bust out some clay....  But for now, here are some pics from several weeks ago of Gabe making his first batch of cookies.  Now most parents will not understand this but this is a great feat for Gabe.  There are several things that kids must have a grip on to even be able to manage cookies by themselves.  First, attention span.  Gabe couldn't even focus long enough for ME to scoop out the dough and do a pan full not long ago.  Second, coordination.  Gabe's coordination really isn't bad but isn't what I would call steady or reliable.  Third, dexterity.  One of Gabe's worst problems is his hand dexterity.  His hand muscles work stiffly and jerky which makes many hand movements difficult.  Holding a mixing spoon and having the hand strength to stir thick, sticky mass is almost an impossibility for him.  Following basic instructions is also difficult because of his lack of understanding or slowness to comprehend.   But anyway, for this batch of cookies (bagged mix that only needed adding an egg and butter) this is all I did: opened the bag (because I didn't know he was going to want to help at the time), poured the bag in the mixing bowl, cracked the egg shell (but he pulled it apart), melted the butter (because he can't reach the microwave), and fixed him up his foil on the baking sheets (because the dexterity for tearing the foil off the roll is not something he could do well yet and frankly I was getting tired of supervising...I'm a terrible mother).  Gabe did the rest with instruction.  The other minor miracle was that for the 10-12 minutes the cookies were baking, Gabe would go off to play but when it was time to put a new batch in the oven, he came RIGHT back to continue his work.  God bless him.  Enjoy the pictures of Gabe's first baking success!  We enjoyed the fruits of his labor.